EP56: Miss Understand

Life is a journey filled with choices, and as we navigate through it, we often find ourselves at crossroads. Every decision we make can feel significant, especially when our friends or family don't see things the same way. This is a common experience. We all have moments of feeling isolated in our choices, particularly when those closest to us seem unable to understand our perspective. This post explores how we can embrace misunderstandings in relationships and accept the path of being true to ourselves.

From the moment we wake up until we go to bed, we constantly make choices. Some are trivial, like what to eat for breakfast, while others are crucial, such as selecting a career or deciding to end a relationship. These choices reflect our values and priorities.

Misunderstanding often arises from a lack of perspective. What feels right for one person may seem alien to another. This divergence can lead to hurt feelings or conflict. A shocking study found that over 60% of people report feeling misunderstood by close friends or family members at some point in their lives.

When faced with opposition, I remind myself that everyone has their unique life journey shaped by their experiences. For example, although being a divorcee in the Hmong culture brings shame to the family, I still divorce knowing that my parents wouldn't want me to do so. Just as I respect their choices, I deserve the same respect for mine.

Encountering resistance to our choices can be frustrating. When discussing my decisions with those who don't understand, it often feels one-sided. I've learned that sometimes it's better to set boundaries and engage with people who are open to different viewpoints.

Navigating tough conversations—especially when I feel misunderstood—has never been easy for me. I used to walk into those moments with a pounding heart, rehearsing what I wanted to say, hoping I could just finally make someone see where I was coming from.

And sometimes… they still didn’t. But over time, I’ve picked up a few strategies that have changed the way I approach these conversations—not to guarantee I’ll be understood, but to make sure I stay grounded, clear, and true to myself in the process.

Here are a few that have really helped me:

1. I Focus on Being Clear, Not Convincing

This was a game-changer.I had to let go of the need to “win” the conversation or convince the other person that I’m right. Instead, I ask myself, “Can I express this clearly and calmly, whether or not they agree?” Because at the end of the day, it’s not about changing their mind. It’s about speaking my truth with integrity.

2. I Practice the Pause

In the heat of a tough conversation, my instinct used to be to react immediately. Defend myself. Interrupt. Over-explain. Now I pause. I give myself a moment to breathe before I respond.That pause helps me hear what’s really being said—beyond the emotion—and respond instead of react. It also gives me time to stay aligned with what I want the conversation to actually accomplish.

3. I Use “I” Statements

This sounds simple, but it’s powerful. Instead of saying, “You’re not listening to me,”I say, “I feel unheard when I try to express myself.” It shifts the energy. It softens the edges. it makes the conversation about my experience, not an attack on theirs. And often, it invites people to respond with empathy rather than defensiveness.

4. I Let Go of the Need to Be Fully Understood in One Conversation

Some things take time. I’ve learned to be okay with planting a seed—even if it doesn’t grow immediately.Sometimes, people need time to process what I said.Sometimes, they won’t understand me until they go through something similar themselves. And I’ve made peace with that.Not every conversation ends in a bow.Some just need to end with, “Thank you for hearing me.”

5. I Check My Own Ego

This one’s hard, but honest. Sometimes I’ve had to ask myself, “Do I want to be understood—or do I just want to be right?” Because when my ego is leading the conversation, I lose sight of the real goal.Which isn’t to “win.” It’s to connect.And connection doesn’t come from proving a point—it comes from staying open, even when it’s uncomfortable.

6. I Know When to Walk Away

Not every conversation is worth your energy. And not every person is in a space to understand you—no matter how perfectly you express yourself. When I sense that someone’s listening to argue, not to understand, I know it’s time to bow out gracefully.I can say, “I care about this, but I think we need to pause here.” That’s not giving up. That’s choosing peace.

7. I Follow Up If It Matters

If it’s a relationship that really matters to me—a family member, a friend, a partner—I’ve learned that sometimes the best conversations happen after the tension fades.

I’ll follow up and say, “Hey, I’ve been thinking about our talk. I’d love to revisit it when we’re both in a calmer space.” Because not every misunderstanding is permanent.Sometimes, they just need time, space, and softness.

8. I Stay True to Myself

Above all, I remind myself:Even if I’m not understood today, I still spoke my truth.

Even if they don’t agree, I stayed grounded.Even if the conversation was hard, I didn’t abandon who I am. And that, to me, is a win. These are the strategies that have helped me navigate those uncomfortable, emotional, complicated conversations—when understanding feels out of reach. They’re not perfect.They don’t always lead to resolution.

But they’ve helped me walk away knowing I stayed honest, stayed calm, and stayed me. And sometimes, that’s all I need.

Acceptance forms the foundation of a peaceful life. Realizing that not everyone will understand me frees me from needing their validation. This acceptance goes beyond my choices and encompasses the people around me.

It's essential to appreciate that everyone has their own view of life. Their inability to understand my choices doesn't reflect a lack of support; it indicates their personal journey and limitations. This realization has allowed me to let go of grievances and move forward.

Though being misunderstood can be disheartening, I’ve learned it can also build resilience. I strive to surround myself with people who may not fully grasp my journey but are committed to supporting me. These relationships can be immensely rewarding.

Embracing that people will not always understand my choices has transformed my life. Through acceptance and the refusal to seek validation, I am working towards a life that reflects my true self. Remember, it's okay to allow room for misunderstandings. Life becomes richer when we embrace diversity in choices and perspectives. This journey may be filled with bumps, but through acceptance and support, we can navigate it, ultimately strengthening our bonds with others along the way.

As always, stay love & bless!

❤️Yours Druelee